Reflections on life, death and what matters in between
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Latest Thoughts
Reflections after one full year of work independence
One year ago, I left a really good full-time job to become an independent contractor and to focus more on my creative side.
“There is an insightful difference between those who suggest to be who they are and those who decide to be who they are.”
After a long tenure, I left a really good full-time job to become an independent contractor and to focus more on my creative side.
Here are a few honest takeaways after one full year of work independence.
Freedom of schedule means come up with a rigid schedule
Here, it’s a good exercise of discipline and work ethic to build a strong routine from scratch. When you are independent, each day is yours to build as you see fit. Ironically, this freedom has resulted in reliable structure and consistent effort. Others would see my day-to-day as boring, but I love my routine.
The who?
It is ok - recommended, even - to mix work life with personal life, when appropriate and to a certain degree.
The best business relationships are sometimes also friendships, where we can be rely on each other to be open and honest and to work for the greater good.
If not, that’s ok too. But working with cool people is much, much better than working where there’s friction. You have more control over this when you’re independent.
Work and play
This has been the most fun part for me, personally - Building time into my routine to blend business experience with creative endeavors. It’s technically work, but it doesn’t feel like work. It feels like playing a fun video game with different levels that can be approached in a number of ways.
I’m always writing or working on sharing writing. It used to feel scary and dreadful. Now it’s just a part of my life that I’m growing, like a garden in the backyard of a lovely home.
I don’t get paid much for this creative “work” yet. But, I know from experience that, so long as I stay consistent, continue to improve the process and produce good work that offers value to its audience, I will eventually earn a living from my creative endeavors.
This is true for you as well.
Each of you have something valuable to offer that you love, that no one else can offer. Figuring out what that is and then pursuing it is the equivalent of being able to work and play at the same time.
Nothing days
Not to be had often, but to be had with full commitment when needed.
I wrote about this elsewhere, but allow for a “do nothing day” when you can. The Nothing Day then contradicts itself by gaining purpose, which is to rest, recalibrate and to better prepare for the next Something Day.
Money is not as important
Of course, income is necessary. But I don’t work for a paycheck anymore. I work to offer high value to others, and to continue to explore new and expansive ways to offer that value.
Be authentic, be consistent, work hard for the right reasons. The money comes as a byproduct of this.
For those who are also independent - what’s an important lesson you’ve learned?
Related Poetry
Go
From Air & Water: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 3/19/2019
Look out far
Find a spot
Grab a map
Trace the path
Get your shoes
Take a step
Ways and means
From Fire & Earth: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 6/10/2019
I’ve got a dull edge
And a broken hand
Where the handle used to be
You’ve got bad vision,
Holding a sign that sort of
Looks like a bullseye from here
We’ve got a decent shot
Shoddy means,
But an end in sight, it seems
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Rorschach - A Poetic Reflection on Perception, Reality and Imagination
A "word art" piece exploring the difference between base reality and perceived reality
“What do you really see when you look up at all those clouds and their fun shapes?”
Sharing a poem today that I wrote back in 2024 as part of the Fire & Earth collection.
The poem is called “Rorschach”, and explores the difference between base reality and perceived reality.
We each see the world in our own way. Sometimes what we see and believe to be true are in fact figments of imagination that become augmented atop the real world.
Be careful not to skew the truth too much, at the cost of lying to not only others around you, but to yourself as well.
That said, also be careful not to limit your imagination. If you imagine something with vivid detail and consistent effort, then there’s a strong chance that you will manifest what you believe to be true into base reality.
Enjoy and let me know what you see. I’ll start to add more featured poetry into the weekly newsletter mix.
Thanks and love to all -
Rorschach
From Fire & Earth: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 3/17/2024
There aren’t even words
Anymore, just patterns
To pick out and rip apart,
Or subtle differences
That may tell small tales,
About where one starts
And the other ends
Passed out to interpret
As if a hidden meaning‘s
Name may be called
What do you really see
When you look up
At all those clouds
And their fun shapes?
Something tricking your
Brain to tell the truth
Break through derangement
All from some black marks
And the false premise
That anything can be known
If you linger on it long enough
Thoughts like tourist travelers,
Grouping up, passing by
And then splitting off again
The wings of a dead bat
The face of an old man
A pair of dancing bears
Spilled ink on white paper
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“So long, and make it a good day”
Are you letting the days happen? Or are you happening to the days?
“Reputations are not built on what a person intends to do.”
My Grandfather was a news anchor for a local channel back in the day. He used to end every show with a closing thought and the same slogan, “So long, and make it a good day.”
How simple, yet profound and impactful. He was also a writer and a poet. For those who are also writers, you understand the level of detail and effort that goes into finding just the right words to capture an intended meaning, moment and/or emotion.
The subtle choice to say “make it” vs. “have” when suggesting a good day; The simplicity of that line, yet the depth that it carries - it’s brilliant writing. All writers strive to say more with less.
Take a moment to reflect on your recent days as well as the days ahead. How have they been? Are you letting the days happen? Or are you happening to the days?
My Grandfather understood that good days, while some may end up that way by chance, are earned. They’re earned through being honest, well-intentioned and through focused effort. We each have that power, to make life good. Every day when you wake up - and this is especially true for the days you’re not looking forward to, or the days within a tough stretch when things aren’t going well and haven’t been for a while. What are you going to do to make it better?
We all have the same 24 hours. Some choose to let the day pass by. Some choose to dwell and wallow in spite of the new day afforded to them. Some just don’t care to take advantage of the time they have on Earth.
Some people wake up knowing that this day, like every other, is a gift full of opportunities to utilize and wonders to explore.
What kind of day are you going to have today?
So long -
Related Poetry
The Once-Shiny Nickel
From Air & Water: A ThoughtPose Poetry Collection | 4/3/2019
Saved for later
Spent, forgotten
The wish you tossed
The jangle when there's more
The 50/50 chance of luck
The change you need
To make a dollar
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Some things we all have in common…
If we all committed to contributing outwards in a positive way instead of a negative way, as often as possible, I wonder what could be.
“If you’re ever being too hard on yourself (or others), just remember that you’re literally made of stars that exploded billions of years ago. Fuck yeah.”
Right, left. Red, blue. Black, white. This, that. Shut up.
Did you know we all share about 99.9% of our DNA? That might make you wonder why so much emphasis is focused on the .1%. A casual glance in the comments section of literally any post online, and you’d think we all come from completely different universes.
But no, we didn’t. In fact, all life descends from one, single common ancestor - a microscopic organism that lived about four billion years ago. And every human began as one fertilized cell that has since divided into trillions.
Going even further back, every atom of every living body came from exploding stars, recycled matter. And every one of those atoms will eventually become something else.
More things we all have in common (there are many more, this is a fractional collection of fun facts):
Every human body glows - it’s called biophoton emission
We all contain the same basic elements (carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen)
Every living thing is temporary
Every human has lived during the same 0.0000000000000000000001% slice of cosmic time
All life is programmed to respond to its environment
Everyone is at the center of their own subjective universe
Everyone fears being alone
Every living thing is built to repair itself
Laughter exists in every culture on the planet - dogs, apes, foxes and even rats laugh, too
We all are part of an unbroken chain of survival going back billions of years
We all share the miracle of life, of which we know almost nothing about
If you are someone receiving or delivering negativity or hate towards one of your fellow beings, I hope you will consider these commonalities, which are far more significant in both quantity and quality as compared to any differences that may exist in that .1%.
You are not more right or more wrong than anyone else. Thinking you are will lead you down a path that isolates you from others who are just here, sharing the same rock as you, also not really knowing much about anything at all.
If we all committed to contributing outwards in a positive way instead of a negative way, as often as possible, I wonder what could be.
Another thing we can all agree on - love is way better than hate. With that in mind, start with loving yourself (there are so, so many reasons to, even if you can’t always recognize them). Then share that love you possess with the other living beings that you interact with. If they don’t love you back, show them through your example how, or at least why they should. Oops, there’s that should word again…
Remember, it’s a miracle that we’re here. Don’t you agree?
Love to all -
Related Poetry
Existing
From Air & Water: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 6/3/2018
Here in some instance of eternity
Sitting, smiling back at itself
STFU
From Fire & Earth: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 11/21/2024
Just shut your fucking mouth
I’m yelling now, okay?
You’re wrong about this, since
It’s coming from you…
Someone like you, at least.
And I must be right because
I can’t handle otherwise.
LIES, LIES, LIES!
Am I the only one trying
Not to try, to take it easy,
All in stride on a zen-diagrammed
Slice of common-ground pie?
I mean, Jesus fucking Christ.
But it’s not your fault.
You numb fucking lab rat,
You’re too laced with bad speed,
Caught in a stationary wheel of
Non-consensual experimentation,
Inside death cages made to look like
Salvation, and dead-end mazes
Made to look like rewarding,
Miniature puzzle games.
I bet you can’t even guess
What happens next.
You know, why don’t you
Go and get the facts,
Then come back and talk
To me. Then, only then,
You can tell me the truth:
That there is no such thing,
That it all goes wrong when
Everyone’s always right,
That we’ve been pitted against
One another in an unranked,
Online Battle Royale match
With endless respawns,
Infinite ammo and no armor
And you know what? It worked,
Because I could fucking kill you.
So until then, when the
Cheetos dust settles and
The keys stop impressing,
And the robots stop caring
About the fact that we just
Don’t care at all anymore
When open conversations
Stay that way, closed-
Mindedness stops sucking up
All the suckers, and we again
Realize we’ve been on the same
Team this whole damn time
Until then, just please
Shut
The
Fuck
Up.
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What to do when you don’t know what to do
Feeling stuck? I’ll get straight to the point. This should take you ~20 minutes.
“Stop being a dick to your future self.”
Feeling stuck? I’ll get straight to the point. This should take you ~20 minutes.
On one piece of paper, make a list of four different lists, one in each corner, with 3-5 items each:
Types of content you consume most often
Successful people you admire/follow along with what they do
Skills you have or would like to have
Hobbies and other ways you spend free time
Now make one more list in the middle with three columns of:
Column 1: Potential ways to spend your time that combines items and ideas from at least two of your other lists
Column 2: How this idea could help others
Column 3: How this idea could help you (with boredom, purpose, mental health, and/or financially)
It should look something like this:
It might take some creative energy, but that’s the fun part. Here’s a free template you can use.
Filling this out marks the beginning of your next chapter. If you’re discouraged and you’re not sure what to do with your life, or you at least know that what you’re currently doing isn’t it, then this is what to do.
Don’t put pressure on this exercise, and don’t feel like you need to come up with THE answer right away. Rather, treat this exercise like a puzzle or like a video game with levels to beat. Start with this worksheet and, when you come up with something in the middle section that resonates with you, well then you’ve beaten level 1.
If you chip away at solving this puzzle/beating the game on a consistent basis (especially during those times where you feel stagnant and unsure of what to do), then you not only will have solved boredom or feeling stuck, you may well also have unlocked a career path for yourself and answered the question, “What is my purpose?”
Keep at it. You have something special to contribute to the world that no one else has. You owe it to yourself and to others who may benefit to figure out what that special something is.
For me, word art and sharing these reflections to help others was the thing in the middle of my piece of paper. Identifying and then pursuing this has changed my life.
I look forward to seeing what you come up with!
Love to all -
Related Poetry
Pick a hobby
From Air & Water: A ThoughtPose Poetry Collection | 11/7/2018
Hobby roulette
Not-too obvious intent
I find my goals get lost
Before they’re known,
Nevermind properly set
I’d probably be better off
Sharpening focus instead
But I’m more open-ended
Than closed off, I guess
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Please, stop saying these words…
If you practice this on the small things, you will become better at WILLING yourself forward through the big things.
“Be bound to your word, and speak it profoundly.”
Shoulda / coulda / woulda - knock it off with using these words? Will ya?
It should… wait… It will never be the case that something doesn’t get done, simply because you thought you should or could or would, but then still chose not to. Right?
Alas, as demonstrated above, how easy it is to fall into that trap?
I’ve talked about this before, but of course you won’t be perfect at this, and sometimes the opportunity to correct a shoulda/woulda/coulda will have passed.
But every time you think “I should [insert thing you think you should to]”, just go do the thing. Prioritize it, as your intuition suggests.
A small way to practice this every day is to respond as quickly as possible to everyone that reaches out to you - whether it’s a colleague or an old friend or even someone you don’t like. Whether it’s an email or a text or a call. Pick up. Respond. Be available. This is better than thinking in your head (for hours, sometimes days) that you should get back to that person.
This practice applies to tasks as small as cleaning your room, to goals as large as changing your career. It’s obvious, but still bears repeating that if you practice this on the small things, you will become better at WILLING yourself forward through the big things.
Hope that helps. Now, I shall get back to storyboarding this next project…
Love to all -
Related Poetry
Ways and means
From Fire & Earth: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 6/10/2019
I’ve got a dull edge
And a broken hand
Where the handle used to be
You’ve got bad vision,
Holding a sign that sort of
Looks like a bullseye from here
We’ve got a decent shot
Shoddy means,
But an end in sight, it seems
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Befriending self doubt
Meet Garrett, the friend you never knew you needed
Meet Garrett, the friend you never knew you needed
“You’re the bestest friend you could ever get. Treat yourself as such.”
The guy you keep seeing in these thumbnail images? That’s Garrett. And Garrett’s a real piece of work.
He’s the type who shows up late to the party just to crash it, eats and drinks everyone else’s stuff because he didn’t bring anything, and then leaves (also late).
He’s the guy who can lie out of both corners of his mouth… to himself.
He lives inside your head, talking shit whenever he gets the chance.
He represents self-doubt, the uglier version of yourself you catch in the mirror when no one else is looking. Garrett is the reminder that you have work to do, that you’re not doing.
Oh, Garrett.
You’d think the goal would be to kill off the poor bastard, or shove him deeper into the dark corners you dare not explore.
But Garrett - and your relationship with him - is invaluable. In fact, he may be your best friend, and you probably didn’t even know he existed so clearly.
Garrett doesn’t need to shut up. He’s right more often than you’d like. Has he told you lately that you suck? Good. He may have a point.
Treat your self-doubt like a bad friend with occasionally good advice. Sometimes, at your lowest, it can feel like Garrett is all you’ve got.
He’s not always right. He’s not always on time. But one way or another, he’ll let you know what’s going on, even when - ESPECIALLY when - you don’t want to hear it. Respect.
Self-doubt is your companion whether you like it or not. It’s not about battling it or vilifying ol’ Garrett. It’s about learning to pick up on the signals he sends - God knows he’s not going to be direct.
But he will clue you in on areas of your life you can (and secretly want to) improve.
Feeling behind in life? Not equipped to take a big chance? Unlovable? Like something must just be wrong with you?
Have you asked Garrett why he feels that way?
Because, as it turns out, Garrett is actually pretty easy to talk to. You just have to get past the awkward posture, the shit-eating frown, and the lazy drifting eyes that never seem fixed on anything. He’ll tell you everything you need to know. He might even help you clear the hurdle.
And feel free to call Garrett out on his bullshit, too. Sometimes he exaggerates or assumes because he doesn’t see the full picture, or because he just wants to be a dick. Again, he’s not always right. But this inner conversation matters. It’s how you move toward a version of yourself that is realistic, authentic, more confident, and better at communicating.
Over time, Garrett starts to seem less like a nuisance who shows up whenever he damn well pleases, and more like someone who arrives right when you need him.
Everyone has their own Garrett. Treat him with respect. Learn to live with him. He’s not so bad.
He just needs a friend.
Your self-doubt - the thoughts and feelings that once handcuffed you - can become welcomed insights and useful tools for improving your relationship with Garrett… and thus with yourself.
Related Poetry
Such Old Friends
From Fire & Earth: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 3/1/2024
Old friends
In our ways
There are the
Passive remarks
Distant and foreign
But near, inside even
The words would come
So easy, they surely would
But then again, such old friends
Need not speak, but listen instead
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Practicing Gratitude
The more you acknowledge the small things, the easier it becomes to face the big things.
“In between
These gentle streams,
Sips of the serene
Listening”
Even at your absolute lowest, there still exists a myriad of things to be grateful for. Cliché, I know, but even the simple opportunity to experience life is a miracle.
Think about how you got to be here. The particular mix of circumstances, the long unfolding of events that resulted in you (or any of us) being born into this world. It’s absurd when you really sit with it. Regardless of how or why you came to be, what came before, or who really runs this whole show - what a gift it is that you are here, able to read these words and interact with what’s around you.
Of course, it doesn’t always feel like a gift. Sometimes it feels confusing. Or scary. Or pointless. Or boring. Or unsuccessful-so-far. It would be impossible (and counterproductive) to feel giddy and grateful at every turn of the clock.
It’s okay to wonder “Why?” or “WTF?!”. There’s nothing wrong with questioning existence or your place within it. At lower points, maybe you’ve even started to lose faith. Or maybe you just don’t care that much about this so-called “opportunity,” let alone feel grateful for it.
Feeling bad is part of the deal. But if you find yourself having too many bad days - or not enough that feel meaningful - practicing gratitude can be a low-effort, high-impact way to soften rough patches.
Even the fact that you can feel grateful (or feel bad, for that matter) is a miracle in itself. The practice begins by noticing more and more things to be thankful for in ordinary life. By being present. By allowing yourself a moment of peace inside a moment of gratitude.
Whether you speak to your God or quietly to yourself, try forming a simple ritual. Start with five minutes, once or twice a week, of saying “thank you” for the opportunity to experience life and all that comes with it.
Send a little love to the people you care about, even if only as a thought. Take a few slow breaths and notice the air doing its quiet work. Be present for each bite of a good meal or the sip of good coffee. The more you acknowledge the small things, the easier it becomes to face the big things.
You may not notice it at first, but the extreme lows will start to soften. The sun will feel warmer because it sits at the center of your experience. The air will feel fresher because you’ve paid attention to where it comes from and what it gives back. Relationships will deepen because you’ve considered what makes each one special. Even Nothing Days can feel full, because of the intention you’ve earned them with.
The overall experience begins to feel like a miracle again because, well, it is.
For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Thank you.
Related Poetry
AYCEAF
From Fire & Earth: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 3/2/2024
Rich conversation
Over good coffee
An abundance of
Colorful, harmonistic nature
Steady calmness
With a drip of new and
Surprising experiences
Quiet moments, alone
Balanced with memorable
Ones with friends, family
Closeness with chosen God(s)
Healthy, moderate and
Temporary escapism
That harmless, childish joy
Free-flowing time, plenty,
But certainly not an
Infinite amount
Independence
To know the universal truths
Like love and fear
Inside a strong heart
A proud death
Between
From Fire & Earth: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 10/31/2020
In between
These gentle streams,
Sips of the serene
Listening
Standing trees
In between
The roots and rocks below;
The dirt and its dwellers
Water falls
Drips from the sky
In between
The clouds, the blue and dry
A sound, something loud
Whispering wind, echoing "whoosh"
Cooped up in a silent space's secret
In between
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The impact of nothing days
Diem non captum. A reflection on how to handle Nothing Days, and when they can be useful.
“Allow for a quiet moment, and remind yourself why it will be alright.”
A good ol’ nothing-burger of a day today. We all come upon them from time-to-time.
Maybe it’s the extra day within a long weekend or a buffer day after a vacation. Maybe it’s a rainy day that commands you to stay in bed. Maybe it’s a day just like any other.
For whatever reason, it turns out to be a day that you’ve decided to say, “Fuck it” to. And behold: The Nothing Day.
There’s no work to be done. There’s no reason to go outside. There’s nothing to look forward to. The world is off until next time.
Diem non captum.
Oh, well. As long as these days aren’t too often, they seem quite fine. Your body will even tell you when you need a nothing day after too many in a row of the opposite variety.
So don’t feel to guilty about it. Hell, enjoy it. It’s a day off from all this, just for you. R&R that ND. Have something fun for dinner too, while you’re at it.
That said, if you are still feeling guilty about it, maybe some loose change is in order. It’s likely you’ve had too many nothing-burgers in a row and you feel like shit for it. Not to worry, we’ve all been there, and there’s a sure path back to enjoying The Nothing Day again. It starts with…
Eh, it can wait until tomorrow.
Related Poetry
Still Moments
From Fire & Earth: A ThoughPose Poetry Collection | 9/1/2024
Still, they can’t be captured
The moments must remain free
Just retrievable to try and reimagine
For less than what they were at the time
But something more than a mere memory
Still, they will remain dormant until awoken
By a look or a smell or a phrase or a melody
Like an innocent secret between all of those
That might have been right there, right then
Search as they flash in images, like looking
Into an old, damaged View-Master lens,
But not having control over the lever to
Cycle through each still frame in order
So the reel spins chaotically so as to
See them all at once; they tell such
A different story than expected
Still, they’re a nice reminder
Where one comes from,
Who one is made of
What was vs. is
And to take a
Moment now
And again to
Just sit and
Be Still
Bestill
Be
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